omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
