u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
