it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
