Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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