i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
