He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He better not be in your backpack
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize