I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
