That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
