she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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