yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
