put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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