talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize