i think my tv is drunk
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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