No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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