I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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