i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
