Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
