Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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