yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
