this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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