please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
