I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
