how can u be prego again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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