I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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