I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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