i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
