I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
