oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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