So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
