are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
