dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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