so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
