Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's never too late to be topless.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
