I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
