Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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