Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
