I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
