I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
