Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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