you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
