i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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