Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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