that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
