one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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