i barfeds in our rink
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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