There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
