I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
