Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
