Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
