she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My vagina is officially offended.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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