Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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