Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
