Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
