I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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