we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
