Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
