Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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