ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
