just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
