at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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