Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
