I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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