he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize