the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
