Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize