the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
