yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
