that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize