just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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