someone get that fucking seahorse.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
