You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
