Small penises have feelings too.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
