Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
